Days of Chaos

“Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” — Mary Kay Ash

Sitting alone with the mess of books lying beside me. Having a pile of blank sheets and a pen, in my hands. Trying hard to compel the inner writer of my being (if it’s right to say ‘writer’, at least a minor one).

Time is fickle and so is life. Going through the monotonous days and staying useless is the hardest thing for me to cope with. I feel like a lazy, mundane piece of this universe with nothing to do at all. Disappointed by my nothingness I often wonder, why is it even legal to sit idle with absolutely nothing to procure?

Being tired of the same lunatic cycle of life, I’ve finally decided to cut these lazy chains by following the advice of my professor (Late Sir Nadeem Aziz — May his soul RIP). Back in university, he used to drill into our minds, the idea of “read something daily and write something daily”. At that time I never took these words seriously but now they seem like gems to me. They are indeed working out for me.

Instead of lumping my brain with continuous flow of incessant thoughts, putting them on paper is the best thing I could do. It not only helps getting you a pace but it is useful in many ways: it polishes your writing skills, your vocabulary enhances, your thoughts become more vibrant, you feel alive, you become confident and it is a company in itself, you no longer feel depressed. I feel blessed by having such an amazing person as my teacher, unfortunately, we never realized it at that time, but when he was gone we missed him. May his soul rests in peaceful bounds of heaven. ☮

Resting my back with the wall, and wondering about the chaotic aura lurking somewhere in my mind.

Struggling to extricate myself through this chaos.

Unanswered questions ruffling through my mind all the time.

I’m not even able to put these hazy ideas and questions into words.

Shuffling and tossing my mind,

trying to seek answers, meanings, realities, purpose…

Who am I? What’s the purpose of life, world and everything? What’s the reality of all?…

Many more endless Wh-Questions keep on tickling over my head back and forth. I believe it’s hard to pace myself among this labyrinth of my mind. Anyways my knowledge is notional regarding these questions but I know they have hypothetical answers. Silently observing every little thing and asking: is everything meant to be like this? Often I find myself introspecting for it feels comforting to listen to my own soul and seeking more and more for answers.

I guess everyone of us experiences this phase at some point in our life, or may be it occurs often to most. We do find ourselves questioning our purpose and doubting that what we are doing right now is what we really want? Some of us are able to find their answers while some of us don’t find at all and live their lives like a robot following orders. It is because they give up on themselves and stop struggling for their life goals. I believe this is what life is about; struggling and learning to find your own purpose. Finding the one thing that makes you feel at peace, that makes you yourself.

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

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